I write my daughter emails once a month as a journal of her childhood. This one is the latest..
Gwen,
I am reflecting on you and your unique personality. It is so much like my mom’s! Were you two in cahoots!?
I know her..she always said “I’m telling Gwen my secrets!” When I would leave you both alone, to fix something in her apartment, or grocery shop, or just have time away with my wife.
“Secrets..?” I would think, worried for only an instant, and then, as if you both read my expression, there would be a victorious giggle from you both.
I miss her. I even miss that chapter of life, as hard as it was watching someone you love slowly die over the years. We made big sacrifices caring for her, honoring her wishes, and showing her dignity and love all the way through the end, and even after her death.
I hope you are never in that same position for your mom or me, though I know I can’t promise that. I wish I could.
Whenever I struggled with something, my mom somehow struggled with it too. It became hers immediately. After her second cancer surgery, our roles began to change. She was sicker than ever, her body broken down, and I had never seen her so helpless. At the same time, I no longer had much familial support myself.
From then on, both the big and small problems in her life became mine to carry.
Sometimes I wonder if a parent’s final lesson is teaching their children how to parent them in return.
If I struggled with anything, my mom would always immediately struggle with it too; it would become hers. We switched roles like that after her second cancer surgery. She was sicker than ever, and her body was broken. I no longer had any familial help, and she was the most helpless I had ever seen her.
From then on, the big and small issues in her life became mine.
Is a parent’s final lesson to teach us how to parent them?